Is there something wrong with this picture?

You see it, don’t you? Walmart has stocked nearly twice as many birthday cards for ‘Her’ than for ‘Him.’

Needless to say, this lopsided ratio piqued my scientific curiosity. After completing my Card Quest I returned to my lab and posed three hypotheses to explain what I’ve coined ‘the Birthday Card Anomaly.’ Here they are.

Hypothesis 1: The eyesight of females is not as good as the eyesight of males. Therefore, when females are seeking the card aisle, they need a larger visual target to pinpoint its location.

Test Methodology: After extensive research on overnightglasses.com, I learned that approximately half of women wear glasses, but only 42 percent of men do. This translates to a roughly 1 to 1 ratio.

Conclusion: While the results point in the right direction, they were not statistically strong enough to draw a convincing correlation. I have not completely discounted this hypothesis, but (as you will see) it’s not as compelling as my other two.

Hypothesis 2: There are more females than males in the world, and therefore females consume a greater overall supply of birthday cards.

Test Methodology: I visited my local Arby’s and recorded a gender-based population sample.  Counting the workers, the diners, my daughter, and me, I tallied 7 females to 2 males. This translates to a roughly 3 to 1 f-m ratio.

Conclusion: The results of this experiment are not conclusive. They are not, however, outside of the margin of error, and provide a possible solution to the Birthday Card Anomaly.

Hypothesis 3: Females age more quickly than males, and therefore consume a proportionally greater supply of birthday cards corresponding to their greater number of birthdays.

Test Methodology: At first this hypothesis seemed unlikely, but after extensive research I discovered a book titled ‘Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus.’ A light bulb went off in my head. Planets orbit the sun at different rates, and therefore their years are different lengths!

According to spaceplace.nasa.gov, Venus orbits the sun closer than Earth does, so the Venusian year is about 225 Earth days. Mars is farther from the sun, so their year is 687 Earth days long. If you do the math, 687 ÷ 225 = 3.05. That would mean that since women are from Venus, they age at 3 times the rate of (Martian) men.

Conclusion: Like Hypothesis 2, this experiment resulted in a roughly 3 to 1 female-to-male ratio. While similarly inconclusive, the results could provide an intriguing explanation for the Birthday Card Anomaly.

Well, there you have it. I found these experiments fascinating, but I can’t say my scientific curiosity is completely satisfied. If you, reader, have alternate hypotheses, please put them forward. Perhaps we could co-publish our findings in a prestigious scientific journal and finally resolve this perplexing anomaly.